How to Prepare for Anal Sex: A Gay Doctor's Guide
Let's not be prudish: anal sex can be a messy business at the best of times. Lube. Condoms. Sex toys. Fail to prep right, and it can also be a painful experience. Yet, there's a reason why anal sex is popular even outside the gay community. When you've done your prep work, it's a pretty pleasurable time – we know it!
Except, there are a lot of myths and misconceptions surrounding everything anal. First-timers and even pros can believe it is supposed to be a little painful. There are also concerns about sexually transmitted infections and the proper precautions. It's all a little intimidating.
But anal sex isn't brain surgery. It doesn't have to be this complex. Knowing how to prep for anal sex is about the basics.
In this gay doctor's guide, I'll break down anal sex facts vs fiction, explaining how to prep for anal sex. Follow these steps, and you'll enjoy a safe, comfortable, and pleasurable time.
How to Prep for Anal Sex
Your nervous, and that's okay
First time? That's perfectly okay – we all started somewhere. Anal sex is supposed to make you a little weak in the knees, before and after.
You should never feel pushed into doing something. But don't let nerves stop you from enjoying yourself and exploring your sexuality. You can take your time. Remember – the more nervous and restricted you are, the more difficult it will be.
Playing music, for instance, can help you relax and embrace the moment. Your partner should understand your nerves and go a little slower. Just follow the other tips to ensure you're fully prepared.
Communication is the key
Speed – it's the most common reason people don't enjoy anal sex. Whether that means rushing into the act or inserting too quickly, it's important to remember: there's no rush!
That's why good communication is critical.
Learning how to prep for anal sex starts with a frank but fun conversation. If you don't want to talk about anal sex, you're probably not going to enjoy doing anal sex. Talk about your expectations, what you're nervous about, and safety questions (like PrEP and condoms).
To loosen up – foreplay is a perfect appetizer. It'll get you both comfortable with each other's bodies before the main course. Whether you're the "top" or "bottom" (i.e., the person penetrating or the person receiving), you'll want to take it slow either way. Pushing too hard too fast can hurt the anal sphincter and stop it from being a pleasurable experience.
Remember – communication is a two-way street. Say if you want them to go slower, and always ask how the other person feels when giving.
Cleaning yourself beforehand
It's just good manners. Like washing your hands before preparing food, anal sex is better if you clean up first.
That means ideally taking a shower and thoroughly cleaning your whole anal area. You'll also want to visit the bathroom 30 to 60 minutes before anal play – if you can. However, despite this common fear, if you experience regular bowel movements, poop droplets and fecal residue won't be anything to worry about.
Some people go all out and perform an enema. It's absolutely not essential. But it's also not wrong either – it's about what makes you feel comfortable. You can purchase a disposable enema kit cheaply. Perform the enema around an hour before sex.
Of course, anal sex isn't like going for dinner. Sometimes, there's little to no time to prep.
Knowing how to prep for anal sex is about being adaptable on the fly. Unscented baby wipes, for example, should more than clean your genital or anal area. Try to avoid using such products for the first time before anal sex, as they can irritate your genital or anal area.
Feeling clean will help you relax about the whole experience. As I always say, cleanliness is next to sexiness.
If in doubt, bring lube
The anus isn't self-lubricating. That means you need to bring your own lube. It's the golden rule of anal sex: if in doubt, add more lube!
Perusing the lube selection is a little daunting. You'll find oil-based lubes, water-based lubes, silicone lube, and various numbing and tingling lubes. Lube, lube, lube – what to choose?
It depends on what you're planning and your preference
Water-based lubes work with silicone toys, and they're easy to clean off. Silicone lubes, however, bizarrely can't be used on silicone toys, though they feel silkier and last longer. While oil-based lubes aren't compatible with latex condoms, they'll cause latex to break down. But they're a brilliant sexual lubricant.
Oh, and as for numbing or tingling lubes – maybe give them a miss. Numbing lubes, in particular, can increase the risk of injury and anal tears, leading to more pain once the lube has worn off.
Know your options
Anal sex is two simple words. It's straightforward, right?
Sort of. It depends on what's going into your (or your partner's) anus – and what position you're using.
Penis in anus. It's what you think of when you say anal sex.
Toys in anus. Toys are a fun way to warm up (or experiment before a penis). You can use anal dildos, vibrators, plugs, and beads. There are even prostate toys explicitly designed to massage the prostate. If in doubt – experiment.
Finger in anus. Digital penetration is ideal for beginners concerned about size. People often use fingers to "work up" to full penis penetration. Just be careful about nails and hand hygiene.
Oral. AKA rimming. It's become a lot more common recently. It's not for everyone; just remember to clean beforehand.
Downward dog. Cowgirl (or boy?). Lap dance. Backdoor missionary. Spooning. Experimenting with different anal sex positions will change how it feels and any discomfort. You'll want to find what works best for you – everyone is different.
Stay protected
Anal sex is fun – it's not risk-free, however. Like all forms of sexual intercourse, it's crucial to stay protected. That can mean condoms or PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis).
Condoms will significantly reduce your risk of an STD, while PrEP is designed for people at high risk of contracting HIV. Safety might not be sexy, but it's critical for your long-term health. Enjoy yourself; just protect yourself too.